I’m aware of my knowledge and limitations. For instance, I’m sceptical about an almighty G_d, just as I reject the dualistic model. Likewise, reincarnation is a possibility, but not a probability. I am more inclined to believe that the body is decomposing, while the spirit may transcend. How and in what form, I don’t know, and I cannot imagine.
Yet, quite oddly, I may say, I always felt deeply connected with the infamous Aleister Crowley. Not physically, but spiritually.
Without knowing him or reading his works, I unwillingly stepped into his footprints and picked up my esoteric studies where he left off.
Crowley was a controversial character, to say the least. I believe, as several authors have suggested, that he was a government agent infiltrated into the Golden Dawn, but not only with various missions to complete. He faked being a magician until he became one. Marilyn Manson has a song called “Dope Hat” which reminds me of Crowley. The song starts with the lyrics “I peek into the hole, I struggle for control,” and then, at some point, he sings “the hat is wearing me.” He has worn the hat for so long that at some point, the hat started wearing him. This is Crowley! He has become what he pretended to be.
Crowley was a heroin addict, a pervert, and depraved, sometimes a clown, a man on a mission. For someone who is supposed to operate in the dark, he certainly searched the front page of the tabloids. Hiding in plain sight, he enjoyed the spotlight and loved the scandals. Perhaps an Epstein of his time, using sex, drugs and the occult to infiltrate organisations and to befriend, groom, manipulate, compromise or blackmail certain people. The clues and question marks are there, but we can only speculate. However, all that buzz fades in the light of his last piece of the puzzle, the Thoth Tarot deck, an offering and act of redemption.
Fortunately, my life was less exciting. I only checked two out of three of the famous “sex, drugs, and rock’n’roll,” and stayed as far as possible from drugs, except for smoking and drinking for a while. Nobody’s perfect.
My first Tarot was a Rider-Waite deck printed in Belgium, and I got it with a copy of Crowley’s “The Book of Thoth: A Short Essay on the Tarot of the Egyptians.” An odd pairing, one might say, but probably not by accident.
However, at the time, my English wasn’t enough to buy a pack of cigarettes at the grocery store, so Crowley’s book didn’t serve me any good. Yet, the book was there, watching over me from the safety of the bookshelf.
Although I had my first Tarot deck since the early nineties, it was only in the mid-2000s when I decided to create my own deck of cards.
As probably most people do, I started by designing a few Major Arcana cards. The project’s working title was “Transylvanian Tarot,” and although I was at the peak of my painting career, I opted to explore the potential of digital creation. Contrary to its name, the planned deck lacked a specific Transylvanian theme.
Eventually, the trouble struck when I turned my attention to the pipes. I realised that without a reliable structure that defines each card’s meaning and position, the construction of a deck is doomed to fail, or it will be nothing but an aesthetic effort without esoteric content.
It was the wake-up call that led me to Astrology. Ptolemaic Astrology, with ancient roots and a history of over 2,000 years, seemed like a solid choice. I, in my naivety, assumed that all aspects of it had been thoroughly verified and validated. Ptolemaic Astrology turned out to be rather unreliable and inconsistent, though that’s a separate matter for another time.
Knowledge can be gained in two ways. One is learning, which is a conscious effort and mind-wrestling, and the other is by receiving through meditation or conscious dreaming. Both methods are critical to one’s development. While I was always a bookworm, I also found answers to many of my questions in my sleep. When something bothered me, and I couldn’t find an answer or solution by conventional means, I focused on that matter when I went to bed, and most of the time I dreamed the answer. Years later, I understood that it was a way to tap into the universal subconscious and receive guidance from the ancestors.
Moving fast forward, the biggest challenges of building a Tarot deck on an astrological structure are to cover all the main astrological aspects without assigning similar attributes to more than one card.
The toughest choice is probably finding the best fit for the twelve court cards, as these cards occupy the same positions as the twelve Major Arcana cards representing the zodiac signs. I was stuck with this issue for days. Eventually, one night, a voice whispered the solution in my ear while I was sleeping. I think it was Mr Crowley, but I can’t be certain.
The miracle solution was to displace the court cards, each running from the 21st degree of one sign to the 20th degree of the next, suggesting motion. I thought it was absolutely genius, and I was over-the-moon excited for a couple of days. Then my excitement gradually dropped, and I started thinking there is no such thing as “a little bit pregnant.” Or, if you prefer, no one can ride two horses at the same time, not even if they are nobles (court cards). In practice, one card cannot represent a planet in two signs simultaneously.
It took me a couple of years to work out a viable solution. Meanwhile, I improved my English, and eventually I read Crowley’s book. To my surprise, my initial “miracle” solution was identical to Crowley’s proposal. I don’t believe in coincidences, especially not in highly sophisticated matters.
I still find Crowley’s personality and work fascinating. Although I tend to spot errors and inconsistencies in his work, I still enjoy reading it. I believe it’s our duty to highlight and correct mistakes wherever we find them.
The Golden Dawn has laid the baseline for a new, complex, and correlated esoteric system that combines several branches of esoteric teachings. Crowley identified some flaws and inconsistencies and proposed the first modifications. For instance, he revisited the kabbalistic attributions of the Major Arcana cards several times and never felt fully satisfied. His drug-fuelled, vivid imagination and occasional divine inspiration kicked the door in for the boldest reinterpretations.
There are two points I would like to emphasise.
Allegedly, the students of the Golden Dawn were required to create their own Tarot deck. Designing your own deck is the best way to learn and understand the system, and to accumulate valuable esoteric knowledge.
Secondly, the Golden Dawn provided a basic model, not a golden standard. The deeper you dig, the more you will realise how broadly the Western esoteric teaching has been altered and corrupted, and how many aspects of it must be reconsidered.
I have been called “elitist.” I consider it a compliment. By definition, esoteric refers to knowledge or practices that are intended for or understood by only a small, specialised group of people.
What is commonly and publicly available is usually not esoteric, but exoteric and commercial.
#aleistercrowley #attilakarpathy #esoteric #tarot
